A Birthday to Remember
The table was covered with a rich blue cloth and gold confetti, a gigantic cake in the shape of a yellow sunflower sitting in the middle. We gathered around in hushed tones, waiting for the telltale sound of the key in the doorknob. Then — finally — "SURPRISE!"
It was my mom's 50th birthday, and we had struggled for weeks to figure out how to celebrate. When asked what she wanted, she said the eight little words that no prospective gift-giver wants to hear: "Oh, you don't need to get me anything."
Are there any words more daunting? But together, her best friends, my aunt, and I came up with a list of gifts and experiences we knew she'd love — and decided to cover our bases by throwing a big surprise party as well. That way, even if our presents fell flat, she'd still have a fun experience to look back on.
It worked! Not only did my mom have a wonderful time at her birthday — and two big pieces of cake — she also ended up loving her gifts. I opted for a homemade set of throw pillows, while her best friend gave her tickets to the theater; it was the perfect blend of practical, sentimental, and experiential. I've taken what I learned from that big birthday year to develop a strategy for how to pick out the perfect birthday present for anyone, every time — in three easy steps.
Step 1: To Pick out a Present, Just Ask
When I was in 8th grade, everything my sister got for Christmas was Harry Potter-themed — and I mean everything, from the set of sheets for her bed to a novelty tea cup and a wand-shaped pen. She liked Harry Potter, but it was a bit much. As her smile began to waiver, it occurred to me that none of us had actually asked her what she wanted. It turns out she had grown out of her Harry Potter phase months ago and was now longing for a new CD player and a book. Oops.
My point? We could have given my sister what she truly wanted if we had just taken the time to ask. If your friend or family member has a birthday coming up, one of the easiest ways to keep track of what they're interested in is to encourage them to start an online wish list on a gift-giving website. Once they register for free, they can choose items from suggested gift guides or easily add their own coveted items from around the web to their list. There's also an option to add their likes and dislikes if they want to leave things more open-ended.
To help the birthday girl or guy out, you can share the link to their wish list with the rest of their friends and family. Since you're the one sharing the link, they won't have to feel awkward about asking for gifts — and they're guaranteed to get presents that they'll love. No more stress from guessing on a gift, so you can spend your time focusing on how much fun you'll have at the party.
Step 2: Do Your Research to Pick out the Perfect Gift
The crowd was swaying together, lost in the rhythmic pounding resounding from the speakers in front of the stage. I was at a concert to see one of my favorite artists, all thanks to my best friend. She had noticed that I added a bunch of that artist's songs to the playlist I like to blast in my car, so when they came to town, my friend surprised me with tickets. I hadn't even realized that she knew I liked this artist, and I was extra touched because of that; it just showed what a thoughtful and attentive friend she is.
Sometimes, you do have to guess what to buy someone for their birthday; we all have a friend or loved one who, out of politeness, doesn't want to give any hints as to what they'd enjoy getting. But a little sleuthing can lead you down the path to picking a perfect gift out for just about anyone.
A little bit of detective work can go a long way toward finding the perfect gift for your loved one, even if they're being awfully subtle. The answer could be right in front of you, hidden in a location tag on a photo or the tracks on a party playlist.
Step 3: Make It Personal When Picking out a Present
I'll never forget the year my mom got a trash compactor for her anniversary. It doesn't sound romantic, sure, but she was moved to tears when she opened it. That's because, inside the oversized box, my dad had included a handwritten letter explaining why he gifted it — my parents had been slowly building and finishing their house throughout my early childhood, and the trash compactor, utilitarian as it may be, was the final touch.
A trash compactor obviously won't be a great gift for everyone, but the point is that including a personal touch can make even the most banal of gifts feel special. It could be anything from wrapping a kitchen tool up with a framed photo from a meal you shared together, or making a gift yourself — a jar of homemade granola or a sewn throw blanket.
Including a heartfelt card or note is always a good idea, too; I have dozens of birthday cards I've saved over the years that are far more precious to me than what they came attached to. Because that's the whole point of a birthday present, anyway: letting someone know that you care about them, and that they've somehow touched your life.
It can feel daunting when you first set out to pick out the perfect birthday present for a loved one, but if you follow these three easy steps, you're pretty much guaranteed to find a great gift that'll show your friend or loved one that you care. It's all about being attentive, whether that means being direct and just asking, crowdsourcing ideas from their community, browsing their social media feeds, or relying on sentiment alone.
At the end of the day, it's not about the actual gift itself — it's all about building your bond with someone you adore.
Still Looking for Inspiration?
Check out Elfster's Happy Birthday Gift Guide for more ideas, and start an Elfster Wishlist to make sure your own birthday gifts hit the mark, too.
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Frequently Asked Questions
What's the easiest way to figure out what someone wants for their birthday?
Just ask — an online wish list, like one on Elfster, makes this easy and awkward-free. The recipient adds items they actually want, and whoever's shopping for them can see the list without anyone having to have an uncomfortable conversation.
What if the birthday person says they don't want anything?
Do a little detective work instead of guessing blind: check what they've been talking about lately, what's in their social media feeds, or what hobbies they've mentioned wanting to try. A little research usually turns up more clues than you'd expect.
How do I make a simple gift feel more special?
Add a personal touch. A handwritten card explaining why you picked the gift, a photo that connects to a shared memory, or wrapping it around something homemade all turn an ordinary present into one that means something.
